The Final Stage of Grief – Acceptace

What does Acceptance look like? It doesn’t look like the pain never happened. It certainly doesn’t pretend it never did.

Maybe you have noticed all of the music I have posted lately. Music ministers to me in a very direct and special way. It always has. God has spoken to me through music and song many times. So, it’s no surprise that I am going to use not one, but two songs as examples of what acceptance looks like to me.

Both songs are actually by the same group; MercyMe. I’ve seen them in concert several times and highly recommend them and their music. The opening of their song Bring The Rain:

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I’ve gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It’s never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Although I doubt my number is anywhere near a million, I have been asked this question numerous times. And, as I mentioned in a previous post, circumstances do not change who we are in Christ. And, they do NOT have to determine our walk with Him.

So, I think when you boil down all of the questions, all of the grief down to one thought, I am left with one word: why? Why me? Why THIS? Why NEVER? Why NOT? Why???? And, guess what? I don’t have the answer! This side of heaven I will most likely not have the answer. BUT, the difference now is, that IT IS OK.

I still have the questions. I still do not have the answers. But I am ok with that. I can live with that. My surgery is tomorrow. I am having a total hysterectomy. I will never experience pregnancy and labor and delivery. I will never breast feed. I will never have a biological bond with a child. Never. And that is ok. It is. It is hard and sad, but it is ok.

In fact, I know that I will go through the stages of grief again after my surgery. Maybe more than once. Maybe more deeply than ever. Maybe not. But, I will survive and I will thrive and I will be a good wife and a good mother and servant of God. Not only that, but BECAUSE I am having this surgery, I can be a mother AGAIN. We want to adopt again, however the Lord leads.

I leave you with the lyrics and video to The Hurt and The Healer by MercyMe. It describes much more eloquently exactly how I feel right now.

Be blessed in Christ!

The Hurt and The Healer by MercyMe

Why?
The question that is never far away
The healing doesn’t come from the explained
Jesus please don’t let this go in vain
You’re all I have
All that remains

So here I am
What’s left of me
Where glory meets my suffering

I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I’ve fallen into Your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

Breathe
Sometimes I feel it’s all that I can do
Pain so deep that I can hardly move
Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You
Lord take hold and pull me through

So here I am
What’s left of me
Where glory meets my suffering

I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I’ve fallen into your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

It’s the moment when humanity
Is overcome by majesty
When grace is ushered in for good
And all the scars are understood
When mercy takes its rightful place
And all these questions fade away
When out of the weakness we must bow
And hear You say “It’s over now”

I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I’ve fallen into your arms open wide
When The hurt and the healer collide

Jesus come and break my fear
Awake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here
When the hurt and the healer collide [x2]

Jesus come and break my fear
Awake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here.

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